An Ash Wednesday Post

An excerpt from the soon-to-be-released memoirs of Jesus Christ "Just Do It: In Memory of Me":

So Jesus the Christ and the Twelve Apostles (or maybe there were five, or thirty-two; who knows?) are lounging around having dinner after a long day spent trying to convince the people of Israel that it is totally cool to be kind to other folks. Peter turns to Jesus and says, “Hey, Yeshua! What’s the difference between a Pharisee and a bucket of donkey shit?”

Jesus looks at Peter and says, “I don’t know: what?”

Peter says, “The bucket!”

And Jesus the Christ let out a big ‘ol belly laugh and slapped Peter on the back. Oh, he was laughin’ so hard that he was cryin’ and his nose started runnin’. Of course the other apostles couldn’t help but laugh, too. Now this went on for minutes; there would be points of silence where they tried to catch their breath only to blow it out explosively in yet another round of gut-pain-inducing giggles. And when they were all done laughing and had finished drying their eyes, Jesus the Christ looked upon them and said, “You guys are great.”


"Just Do It: In Memory of Me" will be released May 2008 by Harper/Collins. It details the life and times of Jesus (Savior of the World, Who Takes Away the Sins of the World, Happy Are Those Who Are Called To His Supper), his family, his friends, and especially his time in India. Available for pre-order at Amazon.com.

A Sudden Lack of Knowledge to the Heart

Sitting here doing lots of schoolwork; trying to figure out the true character of the Islamic Revolution in Iran. This is not easy.

It came back to me again that I never knew my maternal grandfather. I only barely knew my maternal grandmother; I was too young to even realize what was happening when she passed on.

And even though both my paternal grandparents were still around up to my sophomore year in college, I never made a coordinated effort to sit them down and learn everything that I could. I did it passively, not actively.

So there are for sure two whole datasets and two partial datasets that are completely absent from my processing capacity. I'm not too pleased about this. I suppose I'll have to invent some sort of machine to fix this problem, eh?

Tinker, tinker, tinker.

Distance

I recently received a text late one evening from a friend in Chicago. She mentioned a terrible headache and the fear that accompanied it. We talked about headaches, checklisting the various alternative therapies that could possibly relieve some of the pain. I made a passing remark about driving her to the hospital if she really needed it.

Note: We are 914 miles apart (I Google-mapped it) and I don't have a car out here in Denver.

It brought to mind other times when I've made such offers. When I lived in the suburbs, saying something like that was merely unreasonable. Now it's impossible. I feel strangely disconnected from all those people and places back in Illinois. The nature of my existence is such that I really only recognize the sheer physical distance between me and there, but it is still a very wide gulf. These people are a mere phone call away, and with Facebook and Myspace, I'm never really disconnected.

I talk to friends back at Aurora, and they recount the occasional banal details of college life. I know that people still climb the stairs in Eckhart Hall. I know that they still travel north (the term is "head up Randall") to shop. All of this occurs, as it did before, as it will in the future, without me there.

As Tony Prima would say, "Life goes on without me."

Keep going, life.

On Beginnings

The first chapter opens with nothing, really. Plans have been made, and will be acted upon soon. All that remains to be seen is how I will react to their implementation.  I will of course make further edits, but for now, all you need to know is that you and I are the only people that know about this thing.

In this case, you and I are the same person, which makes this a very lonely blog.

GESTATION COMPLETE: AWAITING INSTRUCTIONS

I was just born here.